So you think of being an Internet celebrity?

Skills in Adobe Photoshop. It's the fundamentals of having the 'it' factor online. Be it you're a guy or a girl, Adobe Photoshop is a DEFINITE MUST to nail it in the denizens of the Internet.

You have freckles and acne that bugs your pictures every time? No problemo... all you need to do is to zoom in on your face, apply some Photoshop effects on it to remove the irritating features, and presto! You have beautiful soft face looking back at you!Wonderful, no? So you complain that you're a fat cow, with elephantine thighs and spare tyres round your waist. Why complain? Your pictures; trim out the undesirable features on your body, shape out your body using special effects, and you're Miss World/Mr. Olympia material! Oh! Oh! And another thing... are you complaining that your B-cup doesn't bring them boys to the yard or that your flat butt doesn't make the guys whistle? Take your pictures, digitally enhance your assets as you see fit, and voilà! You'll guarantee to give hard-ons on the hot-blooded dudes looking at the 'enhancements'!

The Internet is filled with lonely individuals. Why are you looking at me? I may be lonely, but at least I have a life! Anyway, The Internet is filled with lonely individuals who only jack off to porn and hot girls with nice assets. They are the demand; if you want to make it in the Internet community you have to give supply to satisfy the demand from these lonely, hot-blooded people who have hard-ons looking at hot girls online. Just let your l337 Photoshopping skills do the talking at you'll become an instant Internet meme. Come to think of it, whichever girl whose nickname is Keyra Agustina must have a heck load of time Photoshopping each and every single frame of her gyrating to James Brown.

Well, tune in next time when I talk about something completely different.

En-Bloc Sale? FUCK OFF!

I will never sell out my house to any money-whoring bastards bent on making some stupid crap on the land they buy.

I have lived in a decent four-room flat for over 17 years now. To me, it feels like more than a home, it's like a haven for my heart. My family has got no money for now, but I have really big plans for my house, with renovation on top of the list. I have seen how the environment around my flat has gone to; I saw out how a marsh right adjacent to my window evolved into a primary school, I saw out how my fellow residents get a new bus-stop so that we don't have to walk several metres to come home, I saw out how people get new homes right next to our flats. In short, I have enjoyed living in my house and have no intentions of moving out whatsoever. All that shit might change, however, when money-spinning whores of real estate investors thought they see fit to invest in the flat I live in.

THAT WILL NOT HAPPEN, YOU BASTARDS!

Compensations over the sale of my flat will not be enough, you greedy pigs. Money will not buy me almost two decades of memories and solace in my heart, and it has been proven that it doesn't buy anyone happiness. Oh, so you have resorted to ask your friends to buy remaining units of houses, have you? I'm VERY SURE I can find like-minded people to veto your attempts to force an en-bloc through the majority vote. In short, none of your attempts will sway me to sell my flat, you bunch of money-fat bastards!

I have a dream, that when nobody else resides around my flat, I shall be the last one to leave for newer pastures. I shall only leave when there's nobody else to greet during my days residing in my humble abode. For that is my plan for the far future.

Blogger's Notes: This entry is my comment for this article in The New Paper.